I have been screwing up lately. I may have lost a friend. Too early to know for sure. I repaired the damage as best I could. I responded to a perfectly innocent email with a hurricane of hate. If I had only listened to that little voice in my head when I started to click Send. “Are you sure you want to do this?” but I was angry and….. I have had a pattern of doing this. So, I am declaring in this post that I will pay attention to that voice in the future, because the consequence can be great. I have been abusive to friends in the past, and now I think I want to try having more friends instead of less. I am immature in many ways (Once again, I remind any prospective employers that this is not a problem I tend to carry over into my work life. It is reserved for friends.) but the fact that I recognize this is a sign of maturity. I am going to try to take the screw ups as an opportunity to grow and improve, instead of an opportunity to hate myself. I am certain that I am not the only person out there that has sent vicious emails that they regretted afterward. It might even be a good design feature to have a pop-up window that asks “Do you really really want to send this?” and then yet another pop-up asking “You’re sure that you’re sure?” because it is a serious screwup. I could make excuses for my behavior but why bother? Nobody cares. They just want to know that it won’t happen again.
I am now much more skeptical about bringing out your feelings. While I would not necessarily characterize any expression of feelings as “drama”, I see how it can easily degenerate into “drama” when you self-indulge in those emotions. It is very tricky, and self-destructive. And the internet isn’t a good place for it. I try to focus on what will be useful for my readers, instead of just venting and ranting. Or if I insist on doing a bit of that, I will try to keep it about bonehead politicians, and the crazy things happening in the world. Even that can get out of hand. I want to be honest and straight forward, but not stupid. I hope that my posts have been enlightening, entertaining, and most importantly, useful. But I see the need to be careful, now more than ever. I have hurt someone that I care about, and that serves as a wake-up call. A demon lives within all of us. It is the hurt child. It should be dealt with appropriately. The internet is not a good venue, unless written about responsibly and carefully. This is the lesson I hopefully have learned.
Given that lesson, I will probably refrain from the more personal material and lighten things up a bit. Or I might focus more on politics and world affairs, music and whatnot. But when it comes to myself and my friends and family I will tread carefully. The more personal stuff is boring to the public anyhow. I got into the habit of shooting from the hip in some of my posts, and it made it’s way into other parts of my life. A mistake I don’t want to make again. Thanks again to everyone that reads this blog.