I am reposting this news item from the Daily Planet on today’s news wire.
Newt Gingrich threatened Superman with what he thought was kryptonite today. In an abandoned warehouse in Sarasota, Fl., our chief correspondent, Lois Lane, captured this awkward moment for Gingrich. It is believed the phony kryptonite was given to Newt Gingrich by Rick Santorum, as a part of Santorum’s fight against illegal aliens. Clearly, the crystals are only making the man of steel quite angry. Superman had thought Newt was going to give him a lode of plutonium which he had intercepted. Gingrich had contacted the Daily Planet and asserted that the plutonium would have been delivered to Iran if he hadn’t found it while preparing for his next debate. Clearly it was a job for Superman!
It is no secret to our readers that Superman is a Barack Obama supporter, and this has rankled Newt Gingrich for some time. He clearly felt that he needed to dispose of this barrier to his becoming President. How he planned to get away with it isn’t clear. After today’s debacle, Newt has tried to pass it off as a joke. “Who says I don’t have a sense of humor?” Newt exclaimed. “I knew all along it wasn’t genuine. Rick Santorum couldn’t find a real chuck of kryptonite if he used both his hands!” However, Superman was not amused, and commented. “I hope this pathetic little episode will convince everyone to vote for our President!”. Newt Gingrich couldn’t resist a parting comment. “This will all blow over. Nobody cares about Superman anymore! This will be forgotten by election day. It’s all made up! You can’t believe everything you see and read, it’s all Photoshop!” Photoshop indeed, such a stunt would be beneath the dignity of the Daily Planet.