Mitt Romney is a cipher. He would make a good physical education instructor. He might be a good candidate for the local Chamber of Commerce, but President of the US? You have got to be joking! But this joke has lasted a long time, and he might even make it into the White House. Why?? How did this happen? Somehow he managed to take advantage of a bad case of Goldilocks syndrome among Republicans. It was clear from the start, and is still very apparent that nobody wants Romney to be President. And yet there he is. This is some kind of weird dislocation in the fabric of the space time continuum. It cannot happen according to the laws of physics and yet there he is, smiling foolishly. “How did I get here? Beats me! Just lucky I guess.” Don’t be fooled by this whole nobody’s home act. Oh, what the heck, go ahead and be fooled. I don’t have the energy to stop Romney. His negative entropy is wearing me down. I can’t resist his inevitability!!! “Gee what seems to be the problem?” Mitt says with raised eyebrows and perfect innocence. As Bugs Bunny would say “What a dope! What a maroon.” But this dope is our next President.
What does he stand for? “What? Gee, I don’t know. What would you like to hear?” Romney asks. He is so nice, you just gotta…..NO NO Resist the antigravitional pull of Mitt Romneyness! He isn’t as harmless as he sounds, or looks. He has no soul. He has no face. He is the anticandidate, sucking all of the intelligence out of the room. Haven’t you noticed how dumb people get whenever Mitt is near. Rick Perry found out the hard way, so did Newt Gingrich. Rick Santorum is pretty dumb to begin with so it is hard to gauge Mitt’s effect. In fact, it is a struggle for me to come up with anything intelligent to write about him. He is one heck of a guy. He sure looks good on tv, well groomed, nice smile. I can’t seem to recall his position on the issues, but how important is that, heck I can never keep that stuff straight anyway. Come election day, I just pick the first name on the list, then I can get out of there right away! Seems I had a third thing to say but I can’t ……NOOOOO!!!! Resist the Mitt Romneyness! Resist!!!!
Whew! switching to a new paragraph seems to have helped. What do you think of Mitt Romney? Right!!! You have no thoughts! This is evil. This is terrifying! Mitt Romney will become our next President and no one will have the faintest idea how he got there! Nobody knows how he became a candidate, or how he became a front runner. It is a mystery. But I have a theory. I believe Mitt Romney may be the seemingly innocent, friendly, but soulless doppelganger of something so horrible I can’t begin to dare to describe it. It is the only thing that makes any sense. He clearly isn’t human and has uncanny powers, When he said that corporations are people he revealed how he is confused about what human beings are. Why didn’t the media catch on to this? Oh, yes. the Romney effect. I understand. He isn’t worried about the poor, he thinks it’s a soft drink.
I think I have….I think I have figured out….something, There is something I have figured out about some guy. I was just writing about him, guy with no face, no soul. Who the hell? I know it will come to me. “Wow, what a beautiful day this is. Say, did you lose your keys? You seem confused. Bet ya $20,000 dollars I can find them!!” Romney says, smiling foolishly.