Death is God’s F**k You



I don’t want to be overly coarse and harsh, so I choose to use asterisks for the title of this post. But my feelings are raw. It’s about Death. Death really pisses me off. Why Death? No. I mean, really! Why Death? What kind of sick trick is this? God is one sick f**k! We are brought into the world just to die. Think about it!! Whitney Houston is dead. Normally I would just feel badly and let it drift away into my already wounded subconscious. Not this time, though. I was already sad. I was already pissed. I did love the way the news announcer looked when she gave the news. It was like “Oh God do I really have to lay this one on them?” I mean she really didn’t want to give us that news. I could tell. It actually touched me. We are all victims on this pitiful Earth. Because we die. We get a brief glimpse of the divine only to die as an animal. It makes me angry. God is an a**hole!

Why all the asterisks you ask? Because if I let myself get into a rant it wouldn’t be fun to read, it would just be sad. So I temper my feelings just a little. So I can say what I really want to say. Why is it that we die? Who is responsible for this? I don’t want to hear all the usual metaphysical mumbo-jumbo. It fits into the grand scheme of things blah blah blah. I have done this stuff too, even in a very recent post. Maybe we will discover our own true nature. Yeah, right. Maybe we are just f**king dead! Dead meat. Maybe somebody f**ked up, and the results were dumped on some God forsaken planet in a God forsaken galaxy, We are somebody’s abortion. I swear I feel like an aborted fetus at times.

Death is an outrage!!! We should not be happy with it. We should not justify it. We should overcome it.

Now I can feel my sense of outrage subside and rationality setting in. That is how it works. Our reason serves as an anaesthetic, numbing us to the truth. Because the truth is sheer terror. A gaping maw of nothing. NOTHING Get your head around that! You can’t. So you rationalize. “It’s all so sad.” we say and of course it is inadequate. We can’t address this horror with words. I can remember vividly the horror, the outrage I felt when I was at my Mother’s funeral. The grotesque, surreal scene of my Mother’s body, an embalmed chunk of meat, lying in a coffin, surrounded by roses. What the hell is this? Somebody’s idea of a sick joke? She’s dead, and you stick her corpse out here for us to see? How sick is that? It felt like the entire fabrie of the world should be rent asunder. No, the wind is not allowed to blow, the birds are not allowed to sing, all must come crashing down and end. For my mother is dead. Nothing is right about that. Nothing is right about anything, it is all one flimsy prop on a rotting stage.  A badly written, and even more badly performed joke. That is death. It rips away the polite facade and exposes this worst of crimes. There can be no justice, so long as there is death. I indict God as the arch criminal, No loving God would deliver such a curse.

I know there are other ways of looking at Death, but that does not concern me now. I am not rational. I am not sane. I am alone, facing my death with a defiant stare. You brought me into this world and now you take me out. I hate you with all of my righteous power. Death has no place in my universe. I refuse to grant you this authority. F**k you, God. The Lord of Deceit should be your name!

This is how we should address the whole issue of Death. Philosophy be damned!

3 responses »

  1. This one begs for an answer. Now before I go on you can say that I am patronizing if you would like or however you choose to respond but I must speak what I believe is the truth, if not for you then at least for your readers. Death is not God’s choosing. He created us to live forever in a perfect and loving world without death. Death existes because we chose to do evil things and when that happened everything had to change. Not because God put us on this earth just to die but because God is also a just God. Then,, because God truely does love us, he gave us a second chance to live forever. He gave us his son Jesus Christ as the sacrifice for that evil. All we have to do is believe and accept Him as that sacrifice. Nothing else has to be done. It is already done for us. I know you may have heard this all before but somewhere along the way you have gotten a skewed view of who God is. The lord of deceit is not God. It is the other being who’s name is Satan. He has done an excellent job of deceiving us all just as you have so well outlined.

  2. It’s healthy that you’re expressing your anger about it. Many things that were written in old books have been burned into us that simply aren’t true–not literally anyway. But our thinking this way, really f*cks with our minds. What if “death” is nothing more than a change in our never-ending existence? That the body is nothing more than the vehicle for a very small trek in an unending journey? If you knew that were absolute fact, would you still be so angry? If you knew, without question, that death is not the end, is not the doorway to some horror, would you still be so angry? What really makes us angry is a jolt out of our comfort zone, out of what is familiar to us, out of what makes us feel happy and secure–and even those things and situations that don’t make us all that happy. Like losing a job that sucked. The end of a relationship that wasn’t worth having. Those are “deaths” of a sort, and they make us angry. Even though we often go find a better job, a better relationship, a better home… And then we forget how angry we were when the other thing “died.” And yet the better life couldn’t have happened had that “death” not occurred. I’m here to tell you, whether you believe me or not, that physical death is not all that different–just a larger scale change. We move on to another place, another journey, something that will take our spirit (the thing that we actually are) to someplace “higher.” There’s a reason people who have near-death experiences didn’t want to come back from that temporary death. Because the reality is, the “other side” is our true reality, and this one is more of a prison. Our energy (that which we are) is sort of “trapped” in these bodies. The other side offers freedom. They speak of how wonderful it feels. Understandably. And it’s also understandable that all of this sounds like BS to many people 🙂 And that’s cool. The fact still remains, we don’t truly “die,” or ever end. We just change. The Universe is more vast than we can comprehend, you truly think that “this,” our pitiful little TV-watching life is all there is? That’s funny 😉 Death is just a doorway, one that we intensely fear, because it is big, big change. But change IS totally integral to life. If the child in the womb resisted change, didn’t want to exit its “comfort zone, it would suffer, and then die. Just one change over another. One way or the other, change keeps happening. Embracing it, as hard as that is, creates less suffering. But yeah, get angry about it (just don’t stay “there” too long), that’s all right and good, and we need to process those powerful human emotions (it’s the fabric of what we are). But then just know, it’s gonna be okay. Some cultures actually celebrate death, they intuitively know it’s not the end. Dove

    • Thanks for your comment. This post was meant to speak for all those people that have felt those emotions and thought those thoughts. When death occurs, we are very often not allowed to feel that outrage. We are not allowed to be angry with God. Instead we are fed all the usual consolations and explanations. That doesn’t mean the consolations and explanations aren’t true, but at that time they aren’t what the grieving person wants to hear. They just need to feel what they feel. It doesn’t last, because we can’t bear to hold on to that rage. And we don’t really believe all that stuff. What anyone says when they are angry is rarely true, anger distorts reality. But this post was meant to provoke people into getting in touch with how they feel about death, not what they believe about death, not what they think, but what they feel. In that, I would like to think it serves a cathartic purpose. I really felt that when I wrote it, and then could take a step back. I encourage you to also read “Man behind the curtain” and “Bright Colored Lights in the Night” to get my view of death, after the anger subsides. But thanks for the comforting words. I deliberately induced that anger, because I wanted a post about Whitney’s death which was free of consolation, religion, or psychology.

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