Monthly Archives: May 2012

Back Seat

Standard

All my thoughts, all my heart, all my ambitious plans, and all my stuff

Must take a back seat

It’s no matter, it’s no matter, it’s no matter what I do

I have to leave it for another time

Waiting, standing, crouching, scanning, I can help, would you like your receipt in the bag?

Are you sure you are ready? Is there anything else that you need?

Thank you for your patience, it won’t be much longer, excuse me while I sneeze

I will be of service, I will show interest, as cheerfully as I can

and all my concerns, my worries, my time to reflect

Are shoved into my pocket with everything else that I gather

It must all take a back seat, put aside, placed on hold

All I can do is do what I do what I do what I do until done

And another day passes and passes and another one still

The back seat is filled

Here I am piddling around wasting time

The day off has arrived

Too much to do and what little time

Save it, save it, save it for all time

For it must take a back seat, and be filed away

 For another day

Now is what’s here, the front seat, control

I push and I try and I scan it again

Until I collapse in exhaustion and pain

But all that I am, and I do I cannot

For it has taken a back seat

And there is nothing up front

Bright Light

Standard

From the Lotus Temple Qigong Divination Temple, found on Google Image

There is a bright light burning

In the back of my head

Driving out the dismal

Inviting in the best

There is so much more to living

So much more to love

Than anyone can conceivably embrace

That light

So bright

So blessed

What’s Up With Muni?

Standard

This post is for my fellow San Franciscans. The one question all of us have in common here in SF is “What’s up with Muni?” Muni is our primary public transit, and everybody hates it. That is not an exaggeration. Even Muni employees hate Muni, but then most Muni employees hate pretty much everything. Which is much of the problem. I ride Muni to and from work and I am constantly reminded of how rude and hateful most of the Muni drivers are. This happens without provocation. I am perfectly cheerful and board the bus and slip in my two bucks, and the driver treats me like absolute shit. Because I exist. These people have no business dealing with the general public, they should be in the back of some warehouse where they can be as hateful as they want with only a few people having to deal with it. I used to cut these drivers some slack because I have seen some incredibly rude and obnoxious people on Muni buses, and so those drivers have to deal with a lot of nonsense every day which is enough to make anybody cranky. However, the rudeness I have seen lately has no rationale. No one treats them badly, and yet they act as if their patrons are the scum of the earth. They can’t stand to answer questions of any kind, and are especially rude to tourists. Language barriers can be frustrating but the Muni drivers only make a frustrating situation much worse. Many times I have helped people get to where they need to go because the Muni driver couldn’t be bothered. I do want to point out an exception to this however. The driver of the number 28 bus to Daly City, which stops at the Golden Gate Bridge, on Wednesday mornings, is a nice, considerate, friendly, enjoyable driver. I wish I knew her name. She is a rarity however. The other drivers tend to be very aloof, unfriendly, or down right rude and offensive.

Why has this problem persisted? Why can’t Muni get it’s act together? The Muni drivers are among the best paid workers in SF, and yet to listen to them you would think they were poverty stricken. Their culture is one of them against the public and even the company they work for. They are the poor maligned Muni drivers who don’t deserve to be hated by the people of San Francisco. Don’t believe it for a second. What they deserve is better training, and the loss of the job they seem to hate so much when they insist on being rude to their patrons. There is no excuse for the behavior I witness daily. I used to think the people that worked at the post office were bad, or the social workers that deal with the unemployed were rude, but Muni is the absolute worst. What causes some people to get to the point where they despise every human being they encounter? I can understand occasional grumpiness etc. but this is a disease. The Muni virus, and I don’t want to catch it!!!

Early Morning Epiphany

Standard

So much I’d like to do

But here I sit

Waiting

I wouldn’t say I’m dissatisfied

With my work or home sweet home

It’s just that

My life is passing

And these days I shall never have again

And so I tell myself

Don’t pine for the present

Don’t weep for me

I plan to hug each moment

Whatever it may be

Empty or full of me

No time to write more than this

My early morning epiphany

CraCKing Up

Standard

I am in a strange place tonight. It is getting late and that is when my thoughts are often not my own. Whose then? A self I have often disowned, been uncomfortable with and lies tucked away with my old photographs, journals, and acid flashbacks. Something is amiss, or perhaps, I was amiss before and now I am on the correct course. It feels as though I am on a double track, my actual life and imaginary lives overlap in a precarious manner. I need an outlet desperately, any outlet will do. There is another world which embraces this one, it comforts us as we stand in the fierce wind waiting for the bus. It carries me away to beautiful lands and to dark twisted sweat filled nightmares each night. Another life, another self. Here I am young, here I am female, or not even human. Here I am very very old, living alone in the midst of a vast desert of my own making. Here I am a celebrity, with many many people vying for my attention. I have many heavy responsibilities, and I can’t even remember my own name. SUch as it Is, I am CraCKing Up. It isn’t as much fun as I expected. All the usual habits fall away in the face of the abyss. Each day is a NEW DAY. When you are crazy, it is all new to you.

Now don’t get worried, I am not truly crazy, I am just feeling a bit dislocated. Like I said, I live many lives at the same time, and occasionally my focus wavers, and it is hard to sort things out. When the contents of your imagination outweigh all else it is time to stop and take an inventory. Do I have all my marbles? I do. I am exaggerating to make a point. We are all crazy to a degree. We are multitasking many many lives at once. We have a rich untapped tapestry which continues to surprise us, and provide us with source material.

But wait.

But wait.

This was not meant to reassure.

The world has become unhinged. Just read the news.

We are all cracking up by degrees. Sometimes I feel I have too much inside. I cannot contain it in a story.

It bleeds into my body, and possesses my mind with a noisy cacophony of meaningfulness, an urgent meaningfulness to which I must attend.

Cracking up.

Living a life for which I am no longer responsible, has it’s appeal.

Cracking up

Being taken care of for the rest of life, has it’s appeal.

But the nut house has it’s terrors.

And I have lived with my strange musings,

and will foolishly continue my flirtation with insanity

For that is the nature of the game

So much is going on, and I can only write about a small piece of it.

Still writing, though

In that, I find comfort.

Obscured by Fog

Standard

This photo was taken from this blog http://www.muttmansion.com/ds/archives/2004_08.html

All your life you had dreamed of this day.

With all the bright colors, the smiles and parade.

You would cross that bridge today!

The pictures you would take.

The stories you could tell.

Obscured by fog.

Oh well.

Is this a time to throw up your hands?

Stamp your feet and yell?

Lest your mood make grey your day.

Find another way.

Laugh and dance in the cold damp air

And snap a picture of a bridge that isn’t there.

But of course you know

This is only fog

This too will pass in time

And the bridge in all it’s promise

Will reappear.

This poem was inspired by what I saw as I left work today. A tourist was laughing and happily snapping a photo of the Golden Gate Bridge, which was completely obscured by fog. You couldn’t see the bridge at all. But, undaunted, he decided to take a picture anyway. Something about that encapsulated the human spirit. and made me smile.

May Day Democrazy

Standard

I like the posters. And if I were twenty years old I would probably like the ideology. But it’s not what it appears to be. The Occupy movement and it’s union allies are not the wave of the future. They are a rotten remnant of a past that failed. Don’t get sucked in, my friends, because this is not the kind of revolution we need. It is up to us, the true ninety-nine percent, not the ten or twenty percent holding the signs, that have it within our power to set things right, and initiate a true revolution. A revolution that does not involve violence. A revolution that empowers instead of courting confrontation. The black bloc portion of the Occupy non=movement is nothing more than a bunch of storm troopers disguised as anarchists. They are the present day version of Robespierre’s bloodthirsty followers in the French revolution of 1789. These goons are not interested in our freedom, only their own. If you oppose their tactics, they will roughly push you aside, and ultimately they will be more than glad to march you to their makeshift guillotine. Don’t believe a single word these black bloc morons have to say. They are not on the side of the ninety=nine percent, they are not on the side of the unions, the honest hard working men and women, or the unemployed. They have no allies. They fight for the sake of fighting, for the thrill of mayhem, and the tremendous rush they get from confronting the police. They have poisoned the Occupy non-movement.

Don’t get me wrong. I am in agreement with those who oppose the oligarchs. The oligarchs being the super rich goons who essentially control virtually all of the wealth in this country, and indeed, most of the world as well. I wish I could support this non-movement, but I can see how it has been usurped by those with their own insidious agenda. Capitalism is not the enemy. Socialism is not the enemy. We need both. The abuse of capitalism and socialism is the enemy. Capitalism is no longer working when a tiny minority hold almost all the wealth. That is not the sign of a free market. That is the sign of a rigged market. Socialism provides a foundation of basic human needs from which you can begin to truly participate in the free market economy. When you have a country in which people cannot feed, clothe, or provide shelter for themselves it is a failed state as far I am concerned. Once basic needs are covered, which includes basic health care, then people can be free to thrive, to be productive citizens, and consumers. The free market could provide this but it doesn’t, and so the government should step in to fill that vacuum. If businessmen don’t like that, they need to find a better way, So far their ideas haven’t been enough. But the Occupy non-movement would tear everything down and leave us all in tents, playing hackeysack, and examining each other’s auras for a clue about what to do next, I once was like them, and wondered why we couldn’t just do away with government and business and just live off the land in a kind of hippie paradise. What actually happens is that you end up with some real power hungry boneheads taking control of things for everyone else’s good, and terrorizing anyone who opposes them. So-called anarchy always degenerates into dictatorship. This happened with both the French and Russian revolutions. So this whole thing about not working, not shopping, not going to school, etc. just sucks. Why does it suck? Because I spent plenty of time doing exactly that against my will while I was unemployed and before I was in school. All you do is sit and seethe in your hatred of those who have it better than you. You imagine that there is some kind of conspiracy against you. You’re useless. You don’t contribute a damn thing to anybody. I prefer to find a way to empower my fellow human beings. They plan on shutting down the Golden Gate Bridge tomorrow, and I will be royally pissed if they vandalize the bridge. They have succeeding in alienating the very people they seek to recruit. Because they are unbelievably stupid. Most ideologues are. They are the ones with the loudest voices, and I admit it, some of the coolest propaganda, but they aren’t the brightest bulbs in the pack. Try having a conversation with one of these people. It is like having a conversation with a rabid, incessantly barking dog. You get nowhere. When I was young I was a protester. I protested to end the war in Vietnam. At first, I thought this non=movement going on today was pretty cool, but not any longer. Now I think they are distracting us from the work we really should be doing. Instead of resorting to the same old bullshit that was tried by the French and the Russians, let’s find a new and better way forward. Terrorism does not work in the long term. It turns the people against you, and even if you should manage to get your hands on the levers of power, the people will find a way to bring you down ultimately. I am suspicious of any group that claims to speak for all of us regular people. They don’t speak for me, I didn’t elect them. I think the tactics of the Occupy non-movement are going to hurt the people they most need to have on their side. People need to work, they need to get educated. They don’t want to squat in your tent and play a drum and chant. They don’t want to repeat every mindless monologue every random ideologue comes up with. This is not democracy, it is democrazy. It is rule by the rude and crude, in which the loudest jackass wins. So I would encourage you to spend May Day shopping, going to work as usual, and finding ways to empower, enlighten, and contribute to your fellow humans. Don’t be the lead weight that drags all the rest of us down. I am not an ally of the rich plutocrats like Donald Trump or Mitt Romney for that matter. But what this misguided non-movement is doing is pushing the average American straight into the arms of the Republicans. Anger at left wing boneheadedness might just get Mitt Romney elected. Somehow, I am not certain how, this leaderless movement got some really crappy leadership, and they are driving this movement into the ground. Don’t play along! These are not our friends! The black bloc portion of this group should be opposed in every way possible before they succeed in sabotaging the few good aims this so-called leaderless movement has. It just makes me mad!! So you find yourself leading a clueless life without meaning or purpose? Does this mean I should allow you to bust up my home, or place of business, or ruin my day because you are a hopeless fuck-up? I think not. I agree with some of what has been said by this non-movement, but it has been hijacked, and the right people need to take that non-movement back and transform it into something the average American can heartily support. There has to be a better way for us to take back America! But like I said at the outset, they do have some pretty cool posters.

It is so easy to be idealistic

Swing your partner dosey doe

Shout at the devil

Let the blood flow!

Revolution can be easy if we all just join our hands

If you give up all your hopes and dreams

and surrender to our plan

For we are the people, and you are not

We call the shots, we write the plot,

We are the ninety nine percent

You are just a dot

We speak for all and for all we will kill

Ain’t no big deal

If a few things get broken

This is our revolution, like it or not.