Category Archives: workplace

Just a few thoughts 8-17-12

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“You are my sunshine” is playing. The original version. Meanwhile, as I check my email on Yahoo I see a man clutching his chest in pain having a heart attack. This sort of sums up my mood this morning. A nostalgic optimism plays in the back of my graying mind as I fear the worst. I often wonder if I might just collapse from a heart attack. I heard a story yesterday about a colorful character my coworker had known. The man died suddenly from a heart attack on his way home. The way he told it, it almost sounded sweet, kind of sentimental. He just quietly disappeared. One moment here, next moment gone. But death is not sweet nor sentimental, and heart attacks are horrific. I’ve had one, and hope to never have another, although I suspect that is a vain hope. Advertising and stupid, sentimental stories. That is what I am left with this morning. Grumpy once again. I am usually pretty optimistic, or at least optimistic. Not this morning. The crappy mood from last night has carried over into this morning.

Survival. We are so concerned with survival. and yet, we all know that death lies waiting in the wings. I am worried about whether my job will become permanent, I worry about….but I won’t bore you with my worries. I know how much I hate hearing about other people’s worries. It is hard to get excited about anything these days. The election?? Now there is a truly boring subject! I suspect you would rather hear about my worries than read about the stupid election. I think Romney and Ryan will win. Who can resist a little R n’R? Besides, the country is so disappointed in Barack Obama, and tired of the boneheaded way it has governed us. I will vote for him, though, because Romney is so so so much worse!! But I think the obese haters of this country are eager for revenge. They aren’t crazy about Romney, nobody is, but they really want to defeat Obama. All of this just makes me tired and grumpy. The situation overseas doesn’t brighten my spirits either. War is looming on the horizon. Israel and Iran are bound to clash, and we will be obligated to join in. Syria can prove to be the powder keg that ignites such a war, given that Iran and Hezbollah are busy propping up the Assad regime. Too large an Iranian presence in Syria, especially if it starts showing up in Lebanon as well, will provoke an Israel military action to take them out. This, I believe, is more likely than a strike to take out a nuclear reactor. But this is all tedious to think about.

In parting, we still need to have a paradigm change, but I am not as charged up about that as I was before. It is enough for me just to get through these days and generate the necessary energy to engage the customers at my job. Probably come Monday, I will find my optimism again and have more cheerful thoughts. I hope so. I am sure I am not alone in my pessimism, but we all need to regain our strength and help to turn this thing around. Because from my vantage point, it doesn’t look good. The whole world looks like that guy clutching his chest and having a heart attack.

Can you see me?

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Can you see me?

here

under the covers

Do I have to get up again?

and go through it all

again??

Again??

Can you see me struggling?

As I ride the bus?

Can you see me motionless?

As I wait

Can you find me in the bustling crowd?

Does my face stand out?

Or I am lost out loud?

Are we even looking for each other?

How many people do we miss?

A Nasty Business

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It’s a nasty business growing old

I missed work today

Arrived feeling fine and dandy

Used the toilet and felt like I wanted to die

This is how it is for a man like me

Growing older without grace

without ease

I’m better now, time heals the disease

Got to tone things down

Stop racing around

I’m not sixteen, but close to sixty

and I don’t want to fear the toilet again

WORK

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I WATCH AS MY WORLD FALLS APART

PIECE BY PIECE DAY BY DAY

I MUST WORK TO KEEP IT ALL TOGETHER

AND SLEEP WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE

I MUST WORK TO RECONSTRUCT THE PAST

OR LOSE MY FUTURE TO THE DEAD

WORK IS MY DUTY TO THE GREAT SUPERVISOR IN THE SKY

WORK WILL SAVE ME THEY SAY EVERYDAY ON THE NEWS

WE ALL NEED TO WORK TO PAY OUR WAY

SO THAT SOME BLESSED DAY WE CAN PLAY

WORK TO KEEP FROM FALLING

TO PREVENT OUR DISAPPEARANCE FROM THE STAGE

EVERYTHING IS FRAGILE

OUR LIVES A BROKEN BOTTLE

AND SO WE WORK TO REPAIR IT EVERY DAY

Serious Business

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This is serious business

Wipe that smirk off your face

There is too much to do

And the bus is running late

This is serious business

I got your report and it doesn’t address

All the things we need to repair

Your performance is lax

You need to clean up your act

This is serious business my friend

No time for that, take off your hat

Get down to business and work

Work without pause, or hesitation

work when it pays and work on your own

work when you’re weary down to your bones

This is serious business

Haven’t you seen the charts?

And read the writing on the bathroom stall?

This is serious business after all

Camaraderie

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Camaraderie

Here then gone

Camaraderie

With it’s secret language

seals the bond

Confirms the yearning of the soul

For companionship in the raw

Teamwork

A common goal

And mutual respect is all

and yet there is more

To this elusive camaraderie

Unspoken, poignant, yet for those blessed

with this camaraderie

this unknown quantity

is by far the best

Ducks and Kittens (A Spud’s Last Remarks)

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Ducks and Kittens. I have nothing to say. Just ducks and kittens, aren’t they cute? This is the best I can come up with. I have received a lobotomy that I can’t recall.

Who cares about goes on in the world when you can have ducks and kittens all day long!!

This is how I feel sometimes, like tonight. I no longer feel all fired up and ready to go, full of ideas and inspiration and wanting to share myself with the world. I don’t suppose this makes any sense but I would like to die without going through the massive inconvenience of actually dying, or, better put, I would like to put everything on hold for a bit. That actually comes a lot closer to the truth (so all my friends and relatives are permitted a sigh of relief). I feel all tapped out. This is often the plight of those of us who work hard all day long. I love my work, but I often feel drained after I get home, just a sack of aches and pains. It makes it easy for me to let my creativity slide. I have quit at other times in my life and it was never satisfying. Nevertheless that aimless emptiness has it’s appeal. It almost makes me want to watch 30Rock along with every other empty headed hard working American. I may even vote for Mitt Romney. Barack Obama makes me think and I just want to take a break. Romney just wants me to trust him. But, no, I really don’t want to do anything, screw voting, screw mindless entertainment. I am in such a pitiful state that I don’t even find Margaret Cho funny anymore. I’m a spud, and all my eyes are closed.

I don’t even want to be writing this right now. I should go to bed, I need to get up early. But something compelled me to type out this desperate plea for inspiration, affirmation, and a reason to get up tomorrow morning. I don’t have anything to say anymore. It is as if I have taken stupid pills. (Yes, I know, that was a pretty lame sentence, but it is the best I can do, my wit has left me. I should write speeches for Mitt Romney.) I am no longer in love. Yes. And that is the worst of it. I am sick of Stock Photo Woman. There!! I have said it. Some of you may say ‘Who the hell is stock photo woman?’ and I haven’t the energy to clue you in. It’s just this thing I did, and now I just don’t care about it anymore.) Maintaining my blogs feels like a chore. I just want to be a spud. That fits my pay grade.

Perhaps all this will pass, or maybe I will pack it all in. Finis. That’s all folks! Nothing more to say.

Or maybe I’m just tired.

If you see more posts in the future you will know that somehow I managed to pull myself out of this rut. But I am worried. I feel pains in my chest and I worry, I feel dizzy at times and I worry. I worry a lot and I worry about that. I might not be around all that much longer. No, not suicide, just an old man taking his last walk. Cardiac arrest. These are my morbid thoughts on this night. Is this spud about to be peeled? Or am I just being dramatic? All of the thrill I felt after having my eyesight restored has left me. I take it for granted. Am I an ungrateful dolt? You bet. I don’t deserve this happiness that I refuse to recognize as happiness. I am already sick of this pity party that I have written. But I am sure many of you out there in cyberland share these feelings from time to time, many of you bloggers often feel like packing it in, and never blogging again. So know that you aren’t alone. If I can crank this shit out so can you! So….sad to say, I will probably soldier on and continue my stupid blog with my stupid observations about my stupid life in this stupid world. Because the alternative is worse. So now I will shut off my motor functions and my brain and become spudlike until another working day raises me from my self-made grave.

Back Seat

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All my thoughts, all my heart, all my ambitious plans, and all my stuff

Must take a back seat

It’s no matter, it’s no matter, it’s no matter what I do

I have to leave it for another time

Waiting, standing, crouching, scanning, I can help, would you like your receipt in the bag?

Are you sure you are ready? Is there anything else that you need?

Thank you for your patience, it won’t be much longer, excuse me while I sneeze

I will be of service, I will show interest, as cheerfully as I can

and all my concerns, my worries, my time to reflect

Are shoved into my pocket with everything else that I gather

It must all take a back seat, put aside, placed on hold

All I can do is do what I do what I do what I do until done

And another day passes and passes and another one still

The back seat is filled

Here I am piddling around wasting time

The day off has arrived

Too much to do and what little time

Save it, save it, save it for all time

For it must take a back seat, and be filed away

 For another day

Now is what’s here, the front seat, control

I push and I try and I scan it again

Until I collapse in exhaustion and pain

But all that I am, and I do I cannot

For it has taken a back seat

And there is nothing up front