Tag Archives: blogging

Try once again

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Try once again to get it right

Don’t just sit there feeling uptight

You aren’t the first one to feel this way

So suck in your chest and raise your chin

Tomorrow is another day

I will find new expressions

I will explore new realms

I will discover how to be loving

In a responsible less awkward less careless

thoughtful mindful way

I will

Try once again

and try once again

and again

Till all is right with myself

and the world

It’s Past Midnight Aug. 4, 2012

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It’s past midnight Aug. 4, 2012 and I don’t care

I need to sleep I need to dream of something better

or perhaps a resolution an invisible conversation

to somehow make it all heal and make our lives a little better

I don’t know

sometimes it is hard to carry on

but weep no tears for me for I am the one to blame

for all this shit that has hit the fan

if I hadn’t been so stupid

if I had only stopped to think

even for a moment

but enough about all that because it’s past midnight

on Aug. 4 2012 and I am sitting here typing like a million times before

I still have things to say and I’ll say them

I haven’t gone away although I really wished I could

after the fact, after the fact hurts like nothing else on earth

I feel engulfed in a sea of remorse and sadness rules my heart

Each day is a slow haul through a thick wall of regret

But the light will shine again and I am a new man

Much like the old but different

My heart is bruised and shaken but I am glad

For it was deserved

New Day New Chance

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This is what I wrote about myself for my new blog, New Day New Chance. I am keeping this blog, russell5087 even though it was the home for what are now bitter memories. I gotta live with those memories instead of trying to push it out of my mind. I think I might keep the new blog going as an exclusively poetry site. I already got one ‘like’ and it just got started. russellpop is kind of on hold, and the other one nolongerexists. So there! I still feel awful and kind of shellshocked, but I don’t want to write any more than that about it.

Here’s my little blurb about myself for the new blog:

I am a precocious older man of 58. I love to write, and publish my thoughts. I love when what I write serves as an inspiration to others. I just like it when I am discovered. When people seem to like me I am thrilled. I hate when I upset people, and I lose sleep over it. Sometimes I deserve to lose sleep. All of my writing has the underlying motive of really getting into the nitty gritty of experience, and waking up to what things are really all about. These are the kinds of things that thrill me.

Then I also wrote this little intro which I want to repeat here.

Hello!!

I am not new to blogging. I have had others, but only one was successful. But because I was not a responsible blogger, I was asked to take down a large part of that blog. I have learned my lesson, and this blog will be my attempt to clean up my act and be more responsible. I believe I can do this without losing my sense of humor or becoming hopelessly boring. I just need to take other people into consideration when I blog. I don’t want to hurt anybody, make anybody really angry, or embarrass anyone. That isn’t the sort of thing I enjoy. I have found that my poems are often quite popular so there will be plenty of them. I will also repost some of my favorite posts from my previous blog, but not anything that I believe anyone would object to. I am going to be much more careful this time around.

I still want to write in a way that challenges people to think, and to see things from a new and different perspective. I will still be outrageous but in a good way. I think you will enjoy my posts. The illustrations are going to be a bit more sparse because they will depend on my own original photos and artwork. I am no longer going to use any images without permission from the photographer and the model, if any. Nobody likes to see their picture showing up in strange places. This means I can’t just jump onto Google Image and find something to illustrate my post, but that’s alright. I will have to rely more on my imagination and leave the real world and real people out of it. Pure fiction. That is the best route to go for some of my creations. I also plan on writing commentary on real world events and people, and will do so responsibly.

Observing the degree that I had become an internet pirate, so to speak, alarmed me. It is very easy to slide down this particularly slippery slope. You watch as your stats rise and push the envelope a bit more each time, thinking that will attract more readers, failing to see that you have crossed a line. I don’t like to upset people, and being asked to take down posts is hard on my heart. I would rather post things that I know aren’t going to pose a problem for anyone. I think if I really work at it, that can be every bit as exciting as posts that push the envelope and risk blowback. I am so sickened by my last blog and some of the things I posted that I don’t even want to post under that blog anymore. It has become tainted. I want a new clean slate from which to start. Hence, New Day New Chance. Each day is like that, you can turn everything around each day if you truly want to.

Who am I? I am a 58 year old kid who never grew up, lives in a studio apartment in San Francisco with his cat, and works at a nice job where he greets tourists all day long. He loves writing and music, and art. He loves going into subjects and tackling things that sometimes get him into trouble. But he doesn’t want to go that route with this blog, because it isn’t worth the blowback. However, as before I do have a central purpose and theme, which is to help people, especially myself, to wake up. Waking up can be wonderful, and it can be very painful. Lately, it has been pretty painful indeed. I hope that the followers from my last blog will follow this one, because, you know what? there isn’t anything to follow on that old blog anymore. It is history. This is what is happening.

So that is what I wrote: TO BE CLEAR, I AM NOT GOING TO END THIS BLOG, BUT I HAVE CLEANED IT UP, TOOK OUT THE GARBAGE AND WILL LIKELY KEEP BOTH BLOGS GOING, BUT WILL LIKELY LET russellpop fade away into that place where blogs that don’t work out go. And that other blog I had? It nolongerexists.

Well, actually, I don’t think I am going to be quite as rigorous as I outlined above. There are some images that I just know are not going to pose a problem for anyone, they won’t be attached to objectionable content, and I wouldn’t be causing harm or embarrassment to anyone from posting them. But after what happened I am going to be a lot more careful.
So I have calmed down a little bit and have realized that perhaps the world isn’t coming to an end. I was running out of ideas for that project anyway, and it was consequently getting really weird. So it is just as well that it is over. I will start new projects that don’t cause problems for people anywhere, just my own private creations, using all my own sources. So stay tuned!!! I am not dead yet, although I do smell a little funny.

Second Thoughts

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These have been a difficult few days. I have had second thoughts about closing out this blog, and beginning a new one. I have worked hard building up this blog and developing a small following. Do I really want to start from scratch again? Not really. Mainly, I just want to clean things up. I need to clean up my apartment, and I need to clean up this blog. I just need to clean up, period. I am still feeling horrible over ‘that thing I don’t even want to think about anymore’. I learned that I need to be very mindful about what I post. I have been far too reckless. Hopefully, I have repaired the damage. I had developed an emotional attachment to that whole project, investing a lot of time and energy into it, but it was wrong from the start. I could easily have created a graphic novel or cartoon using images entirely of my own making, and I may still. But I was lazy, and …like I said, I don’t really want to think about it. However, I shouldn’t just dump the whole blog because of this one big mistake. There is an abundance of worthwhile material in this blog that doesn’t infringe on anyone else’s rights, doesn’t use images without permission etc. So I should continue on, responsibly. It’s hard. I don’t feel like blogging right now. I feel like hibernating. I want to have a very low profile.

Should I go or should I stay?

Should I pack it in?

I know I have caused some hurt

And that hurts

Carry on

I have good things to do

A worthwhile contribution

I’ll do what I can do

To repair the damage

Second thoughts about hiding away

As unhappy as I am

I think I’ll stay

Something to say but the meaning escapes me

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I sit here knowing I must carry on with the chores

But something keeps me glued to this screen

Something to say but the meaning escapes me

I thought I had something more to say

Eager to explode with words so brave and so bold

Everyone will stop and say “Hey! did you see?”

“That guy said it all so well!”

Said what? I can’t tell if it’s well worth the reading

It’s well put together but I don’t get the meaning

What is he trying to say?

I sit here thinking I should stop all this blogging

away my day

but still…I thought I had something more to say

Beautiful Blogger Award

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So sorry I am late

I guess this has always been my fate

To be acknowledged and feel I don’t deserve

and suspicious of the award

Can’t I just allow myself to be liked?

Or does there always have to be a catch?

http://freespiritfelts.wordpress.com/ nominated me for this award

My free spirit has been felt by another equally free

Just like me only different

thank you so much with no strings attached

I appreciate what you said

and I am posting this to say so

And to pass the praise along to bloggers I like

And who like me, we, the beautiful ones

who blog

I thank you all!!!

Here are my seven nominees pray tell

That this not be some kind of racket or chain letter

Just a simple acknowledgement of our courageous efforts

1. http://sillyliss.com for she is an honest loving soul

her support and her humor encourage me

she likes me when I’m up, down, crazy, or sane

check out her blog and you may feel the same

2. http://maggiemaeijustsaythis.wordpress.com says it all

i just say that she has such courage and honesty as well

I am honored to have such people following my blog

Check these blogs out for these bloggers have something to say

3. http://scintilatebrightly.wordpress.com is full of life

shining brightly come what might

seizing the world and all it may offer,

her blog is a delight

4. http://courtingmadness.wordpress.com is all about Coco

and that is all right with me

Dance with this madness my friends,

it just might set you free,

(everybody it seems, nominates this blog, and I am no exception)

5. http://manipalphotoblog.wordpress.com speaks to me of innocence

a fresh perspective from a loving open soul

thanks for your continuing interest in my work

by the way, Stock Photo Woman nominates you for this award as well

She really likes you, I think I’m jealous

6. http://ediliociclostile.wordpress.com for the curious insight

this blog appreciates the way creativity creeps on you when you are not prepared

and you must be ready to strike!!! without hesitation! or the moment is lost

thank you curious doodle from out of time for your interest in my work

7. http://silverpoetry.wordpress.com with simple elegance

inspires poets to continue poeting and to understand

there is no such thing really as a bad poem

All poems cry out to say what cannot be said with mere words

If it speaks to you then a small miracle has occurred

Thank you all for your support and I applaud your blogging!!

I also find it curious that almost all of the bloggers I nominated were women

I guess I just like women