Tag Archives: hope

It’s a brand new day today

Standard

It’s a brand new day today

The sun is shining brightly

I can breath today

I can hold my cat on my lap

As Billie Holliday sings

Tapping at my computer

Happy once again

Can’t account for it

The world is still what it is

Death has been working overtime

And catastrophe just a few steps away

From my door

Still here I sit feeling a deep well of compassion

Beneath the blood-stained Earth

Every day someone falls in love

And new life begins

It’s a brand new day today

Anything can happen

Let’s make it happy

Let’s make it good

A Single Chirp

Standard

A Single Chirp Is Given

Every Time I Leave My Door

A Single Chirp Is Given

When I Return

Is This Chirp a Warning?

a Greeting?

Not a Bird, but a human being?

Hard to Tell

A Single Chirp I Hear Each Day

So Sharp And Clear

Sometimes It Fills My Heart With Gladness

Other Times With Fear

Some Sort of Signal

So Far, So Near

I’m Here!! I’m Here!!

It Can Be Done

Standard

Limitless opportunity in an unshackled universe

It can be done

Present the ideas that will never fly

It can be done

Dance in some new crazy sexy way

It can be done

Don’t wait for opinion or you will lose your nerve

It can be done

Blow up the carcass of your belief

It can be done

Put your plans in motion

It can be done

Cause the clockwork to pause

and reset the time

It can be done

This poem was inspired by a paperweight model of one of the towers of the Golden Gate Bridge, which you see above. The Golden Gate Bridge, for me, represents audacious daring. Taking a crazy idea which many people said at the time would not fly, and making it not only fly but become an icon for the American spirit of unshackled innovation and exquisite beauty. You can purchase the model at the new Bridge Pavilion, next to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Signpost Up Ahead

Standard

There is a signpost up ahead

But I can’t see it yet

Adrift in my own fear

Clinging to that hope

Time races by like a runaway train

I thought I had something more to say

The fog collects as I reflect

On my way to already there

A signpost

Revelation

Celebration

An end that ushers in a beginning

Somewhere straight ahead

Can you see it?

I can, I can, I can only glimpse it

In my dreams

Thanks to Linda Plaisted. This is one of her exquisite photos which capture so much with so little. I lifted it from Flickr.

Check her out at http://lindaplaisted.com

My Life in HD

Standard

The view toward Alcatraz as I can see it today. In fact this photo isn't as detailed as my present vision.

I never thought that a simple trip to Safeway could be so enjoyable! I could see every detail of every automobile, every sign, every person, stood out in vivid detail. This was my life in HD. All because of a simple lens inserted into my eye, and the removal of those pesky cataracts which had given me a blurry existence for several years. Those cataracts very likely cost me my job, and this time around I had no intention of allowing them to cost me another job. As I type this on a very white screen, I see ‘floaters’, little scraps of eye-stuff floating around inside my eye. They were there before the surgery, and there doesn’t seem to be more of them, so I am not very worried. Also my retina got checked out yesterday and it looked fine. Still, floaters make me nervous. The white screen makes them very visible. But back to the good news!!! I can see at a distance with almost perfect clarity. I can return to my walks throughout San Francisco, enjoying the scenery and the buildings, like I used to do! In fact, I can see better than at any other time in my life. My vision without glasses, as far as distant vision is concerned, is better than when I had glasses and hadn’t yet developed cataracts. I call it HD, high definition, vision, because it reminds me of the way HD television is overwhelming at first, providing the brain with too much detail.

I am primarily a visual person. I enjoy music and the sounds of nature and even the urban cacophony doesn’t bother me. But the look of things, the architecture, the beautiful women, the lovely landscape, the ocean. I relish everything I see. It was a profound disappointment not to be able to see clearly. It made me inward, more serious, and a bit depressed. Now, I am having to deal with some delicate adjustments associated with the healing process, but I am also thrilled with my new found cornucopia of visual delights. I want to check out everything! Go back out to Alcatraz, take a stroll through Pacific Heights and ogle the mansions, and just take in everyday things in a new way.

I am reminded of how delicate we are as physical beings. A simple blow to the head could cause my retina to detach, leading to almost instant blindness. My heart is dependent upon the stints in my primary artery to the heart. I depend on medications to regulate my blood pressure and cholesterol. We are fragile beings. I do try to be careful, but at the same time, you have to live your life. I can’t just hunker down and live my life in fear of mishap. Life is risk, as I coldly advised myself before this surgery. You have to deal with it, whatever cards are dealt. Someday I will face other health crises, and someday my physical journey will reach it’s end. I will cope as best I can. I am adjusting to my new situation, the inconveniences and worries that accompany the healing process, and the thrill of having my sight restored. With each thing that happens, adjustments occur, even after death. With each adjustment there is fear, uncertainty, a deep dark chasm of the unknown. We each enter this place by ourselves. We can do so courageously or kicking and screaming the whole way. Either choice is a learning process.

 

Compare this post to this past one: MY LIFE IN 2-D

looking towards alcatraz, as I see it.

I had a good morning. I paid off my rent, thanks to the help of friends, one of which I ran into as I stood in line at Wells Fargo.  She looked cute in her stylish hat. It is nice to have friends.

But enough sunshine and daisies, I had wanted to bitch on this post so here goes. I love San Francisco. I came here partly because of it’s unique beauty, and now I can’t really see it! My vision is shot to hell. I don’t care if prospective employers see this, they would figure it out soon enough. I can still do a job. I’ve learned how to compensate. I am still a wise investment. I’ve got a brain and I know how…..Ok Ok!! I’ll stop trying to sell myself. But, anyhow, as I walked down Polk St. to the bay, checking for help wanted signs, and other places where I might work, I was unable to enjoy the city I love. No more 3-D. My life is now in 2-D. Not literally of course, but that is how it feels. Out of focus, with a bit of double vision. I gaze out on the bay at fuzzy dots. Are those boats? It is more than enough to make a cheerful guy like me pretty grumpy.

My life is flat and dull. I don’t have all those sharp edges anymore. It isn’t just because of the cataracts. My brain is dull as well. I have come to accept a lot of things that used to drive me up the wall, or leave me in a deep depression. I thought I would never get used to losing my sight in my left eye. But I did. I accepted that fifty percent of life would be shrouded in darkness. I simply lived my life to the right. There is no left as far as I am concerned. (and I think the same is true of Barack Obama). Unfortunately, when I first began living my life on the right, I was still driving. I almost side swiped another car on the interstate. I was unbelievably close! The other guy’s eyes were so wide! Scared the shit out of me! That guy was living his life on the right and left. So I gave up driving. Once in a while I accidentally ran into somebody. I mean, I literally ran into them. They look at me like I am a total jerk, and it usually doesn’t do any good to explain. I was in the wrong. Even though my left is in darkness, it is still there, and I have to take it into consideration.

The uncertainty and fear I feel could be considered a part of that dark left side of my life. Rather than let it lie in darkness I need to bring it over to the right, so it doesn’t just fester, grow mold and poison me. Awful things can happen in the dark.

So even though I live in a 2-D world, it could be worse. How about 0-D? So I carry on. At some point I will likely get an operation to remove my cataracts, even though I risk total blindness. Seeing well was an important part of my life. I want it to be again. Otherwise all those beautiful sights in San Francisco are going to waste!!

Say Goodbye to Death (the spirit of Easter)

Standard

With Easter All Is Fresh and New. We Greet the World with a Newfound Wonder. Every Spring Life Rushes Forth From Every Corner and Cannot Be Denied

I have always had cheerful memories of Easter. It is when I really recognize that Spring has arrived. Rebirth. The dark night of the soul filled with unemployment and other uncertainties has ended. Easter is a celebration of the miracle of life, rising from the dead molecules by virtue of something ineffable. Anything is possible. The Empire has ended, Mr. Dick. We stand apart from this dismal creation. The stone has been rolled away and all definitions, theories and beliefs no longer hold sway. It is a new day in every way imaginable. Easter. Magic fills the air. It is a time to cast away your fears and dare to dream the impossible. From the viewpoint of eternity, all is accomplished and it is good. Very good indeed. All is redeemed and made new. All is forgiven and given a fresh start. Amnesty for all. Isn’t that a refreshing idea? This is the spirit of Easter. Say goodbye to Death. Forever.

A part of me, my mind primarily, thinks these thoughts are much too positive. Unrealistic. Foolish. Girlish. Whatever. Occasionally such thoughts appear like clouds obscuring the Sun, but in a moment they pass away. Such skepticism cannot withstand the warmth and light of Easter. Easter brings forth a childlike enthusiasm in which nothing is foolish, and all things are fun. I ask those who scoff, who are so proud of their analysis. Do you think it will matter as you lie in your grave that you were right? Why not be wrong and live forever in defiance of all axioms and logical analysis. It cannot be and yet it is. This is the point of Easter. This is the point of it all. I am reminded of John Lennon’s song “She Said He Said”. ‘She said I know what it means to be dead. He said no no no you’re wrong. When I was a boy, everything was right’. Easter is about that time when everything was right. That time is now, if you want it. Strawberry Fields Forever.

Life can be, and is, a nightmare at times. Easter captures the joy that feels your entire being when you discover that you have awakened from that nightmare. It was all a dream. Thank God! Thank God indeed. The nightmare serves an important purpose however. We cannot dwell in paradise content, because there are much greater miracles to be had. Even more beautiful paradises lie beyond our grasp. We only need imagine. The big bang did not occur, it is occurring. God is active. This is that moment, the only moment, and anything could happen. These words pour forth without my skeptical mind’s permission for I am filled with joy. I love my life and all life and also recognize that this joy will not and cannot last. I will go to sleep again, and enter the dark Alcatraz of the soul. I accept this, and know that Easter will come again. It cannot be denied. It is the truth, all else is just people talking. Rejoice in this fact!! It is not only better than you think, it is better than you can think. Thinking is a deprecated application. We are tenderly feeling our way into a better interface. We will need a better language, as we’re finding the prison lingo can no longer suffice.

Happy Easter!!

What Contribution Can I Make?

Standard

I want so much to make a contribution to the world around me. I am so frustrated by my circumstances. I am still unemployed and I may not be able to pay my rent. Panic lurks beneath an otherwise placid exterior. I live each day as if I were not dangling over a precipice. I focus on how to get out of my predicament, sending my resume out to any likely prospect. This post isn’t more of ‘woe is me’, or ‘can you help me?’ I want this post to be about what I want my life to be about. I want it to be about creativity. I want to bring more joy and laughter into the world. I want to let people know they are appreciated. I want to leave this world knowing I have left a positive mark behind. Perhaps there is still a way out of this dilemma, I don’t know, and I am growing tired of thinking about it. There has got to be better ways of spending my time.

I watched the State of the Union address and liked the part about all of us having each other’s back. The time of only thinking of yourself and your survival isn’t going to cut it, in the future. We need to begin looking out for each other. We all have something to contribute. We need to be given the means to give fully of ourselves. Employers need to cut us all some slack. Instead of only considering the bottom line, they should become actively involved in giving all of us an opportunity to make a difference at their business. We may not be the best candidate, but we would still have a contribution to make. It would be worthwhile to hire us, and would begin the process of turning our economy around. All of us need to participate in this process. If a large portion of our population is lost to chronic unemployment and homelessness, that would truly be tragic.

Recently I wrote a post recalling how I felt about America when I was a kid. I would like to feel that way again. Millions of talented people are being passed over because they are older, or because they have recently been in school and do not yet have years of experience in their new set of skills. This is wrong!! I took classes in printing and web design. Because I haven’t been hired to put these skills to work I am getting a little rusty over time. I need to be working!!!! I want to be writing for a living, but I realize this is a slow process. My hope is that my circumstances won’t dictate that I can no longer use a computer to get my voice out.

I am not alone. There are millions of us. While the economy is slowly recovering, it isn’t happening quickly enough. So I continue to look at how I can use my talent and skills to make an impact in the world. I am not just kicking back and daydreaming about winning the lottery. Not that I haven’t thought about that, but it isn’t my only thought. Our lives can be so much better! This is how I perceive the internet, facebook, blogs, and twitter. These can be tools for helping each other out, instead of for meaningless chit chat. The chit chat is ok, but let’s do more than that. The opportunity is there to transform our society. We really can help each other in profound ways. Gossip can give way to genuine communication. Each of us should ask ourselves and each other: What contribution can I make?

Foolish Screw up #30111

Standard

I feel like such an idiot!!!! I had an appointment at Social Services to apply for Food Stamps (actually it isn’t stamps anymore, but an EBT card). I arrived at 1 pm and sat down confidently expecting my name to be called over the intercom. I waited, I waited, I waited. I spent my time reading a worthwhile short story by Priscilla Becker, “Failures of Imagination” from the Summer 2011 issue of The Literary Review. I was so confident that all I needed to do was wait for my name to be called that I didn’t ask anyone about my appt. until two and a half hours had gone by. I just thought, ‘these things take a long time!’. Finally at 3:30pm, too late to get things rectified, I find out I was supposed to go to Window F and sign in, before waiting for my name to be called. I can only blame myself, Foolish Screw up #30111. But I was pretty aggravated by all that wasted time. In case you have never been to the San Francisco Social Services building on Mission, it is not a pleasant experience. It makes the DMV feel like a trip to the SF Ballet. There are lots of loud people milling around, complaining. An edge of violence is in the air. You hope that nobody starts messing with you! While all this goes on, you have to pay attention to see if your name is being called. It wears down your nerves after a bit. And then to discover you screwed up! Oh well…and then I come home to no good messages in my inbox. I had hoped for at least a small ray of sunshine. But none of the businesses I had applied to left an email. That horrible, sickening feeling of hopelessness rears it’s ugly head. But you never know what lies ahead. Tomorrow I go back to the food stamp office, hopefully get things straightened out, and go from there. It isn’t just the air that feels cold.

Writing in here helps me endure this stuff. Even if nobody reads it, I feel less alone, and it gives me strength to keep going. I heard a report on the news about a girl that earned an award for her science projects, and she was homeless! Her entire family was homeless, and she still managed to do good work, and lift herself out of her situation. Things may get pretty rough, but whatever happens I hope, I plan, on making it through. It is not my intention to get your pity, or to frustrate you with my situation. It is only to connect with other people and allow them a window on another person’s life.