Tag Archives: poetry

so so sorry make believe

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you are so so sorry make believe

it will make a difference in the weather

but don’t you see

the wind don’t care

you are so so sorry you say again

please don’t leave me out here in the rain

hanging from a limb

so so sorry make believe

never again never again

please stop your pointing

put that camera away

I cannot bear all this responsibility

so so sorry can’t you see?

I’m sorry!

now everything everywhere everybody has got to be ok

Karma

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Karma is a dung beetle which collects

all the dung that accumulates over the course of a life

rolling it into a ball

and dropping it into the solar furnace

of divine forgetfulness

Karma picks and pecks and leaves you sore

never leaving you in peace

until all your guilty pleasures are released into the fire

Karma hangs like a weight

above your head and shoulders

ready to crush your cocky brilliance

unexpectedly one day one moment

as you are sitting down to eat

Karma is the dung that gathers from all our efforts

shadow traces left in crevices

but eventually brought to light

Karma is the inevitable activation of our own device

keeping track of every thought and movement

within each wild and crazy night

Accountability is never celebrated

by those held to account

Other people’s karma however

is often talked about

and shared with a shameful delight

It’s Past Midnight Aug. 4, 2012

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It’s past midnight Aug. 4, 2012 and I don’t care

I need to sleep I need to dream of something better

or perhaps a resolution an invisible conversation

to somehow make it all heal and make our lives a little better

I don’t know

sometimes it is hard to carry on

but weep no tears for me for I am the one to blame

for all this shit that has hit the fan

if I hadn’t been so stupid

if I had only stopped to think

even for a moment

but enough about all that because it’s past midnight

on Aug. 4 2012 and I am sitting here typing like a million times before

I still have things to say and I’ll say them

I haven’t gone away although I really wished I could

after the fact, after the fact hurts like nothing else on earth

I feel engulfed in a sea of remorse and sadness rules my heart

Each day is a slow haul through a thick wall of regret

But the light will shine again and I am a new man

Much like the old but different

My heart is bruised and shaken but I am glad

For it was deserved

Second Thoughts

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These have been a difficult few days. I have had second thoughts about closing out this blog, and beginning a new one. I have worked hard building up this blog and developing a small following. Do I really want to start from scratch again? Not really. Mainly, I just want to clean things up. I need to clean up my apartment, and I need to clean up this blog. I just need to clean up, period. I am still feeling horrible over ‘that thing I don’t even want to think about anymore’. I learned that I need to be very mindful about what I post. I have been far too reckless. Hopefully, I have repaired the damage. I had developed an emotional attachment to that whole project, investing a lot of time and energy into it, but it was wrong from the start. I could easily have created a graphic novel or cartoon using images entirely of my own making, and I may still. But I was lazy, and …like I said, I don’t really want to think about it. However, I shouldn’t just dump the whole blog because of this one big mistake. There is an abundance of worthwhile material in this blog that doesn’t infringe on anyone else’s rights, doesn’t use images without permission etc. So I should continue on, responsibly. It’s hard. I don’t feel like blogging right now. I feel like hibernating. I want to have a very low profile.

Should I go or should I stay?

Should I pack it in?

I know I have caused some hurt

And that hurts

Carry on

I have good things to do

A worthwhile contribution

I’ll do what I can do

To repair the damage

Second thoughts about hiding away

As unhappy as I am

I think I’ll stay

I LOVE SEX

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I LOVE SEX

IN SPITE OF THE HATRED

THE SELF PITY

I LOVE HOW SEX MAKES ME FEEL REAL

AND COMPLETE

IF THERE IS A PROBLEM

IT LIES SOMEWHERE ELSE

I TELL MYSELF

KNOWING IT MUST BE A LIE

I LOVE SEX STILL

IN SPITE OF THE PAIN AND THE CHILL

I DON’T KNOW WHY

I CANNOT TURN AWAY

IT IS A BITTER POISONOUS PILL

BUT I LOVE SEX ANYWAY