Tag Archives: satire

i guess this ain’t no playground anymore

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the rain came down in torrents

on Easter Sunday

drowning the little babies swaddled in shiny pink hay

the baby ducks survived for they could swim you see

but the babies

oh my oh me

i guess this ain’t no playground anymore

the jungle gym is stained with blood

because the cub scout was dressed in a suicide vest

oh my what a mess

cross my heart and hope i’m blessed

’cause the milk has soured and my cupcakes are filled with tacks

some kids can’t walk, some can’t talk, some can’t see, some can’t pee

i guess this ain’t no playground anymore

not today

Easter Sunday

with this rain and all

oh my oh hell

oh bloody bloody hell

 

Ain’t no app for this, sucka!

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Ain’t no app for this, sucka!

so don’t even try

Your iPhone, your iPad, your pie in the sky

don’t make no difference to a man like me

There ain’t no app gonna cure my ill

Fuck you, Bounty pick ur’ uppers

You can’t soak up this spill

It’s all gone south of Mississippi

to the depths of hell

You know I’m telling the truth

You know I’m keepin’ it real

ain’t no app for this, sucka

no tweet and no twitter

I don’t need to go back to school

shut your mouth fool!

quit your talkin’ and feel

we’re too hurt to heal

it’s a done done deal

 

The King Of The Hip Hop Nation (Lyrics for a song yet to be completed)

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You better hop on this train

Before it leaves the station

And ride with the King of the Hip Hop Nation

I’ve had enough

of all your self-serving lies

you won’t get my vote

I’m gonna give you a surprise

I’m gonna shove my dick in your mouth

and fuck you silly

’cause you deserve it you know

you motherfucking whore

I’m fed up

with what’s goin’ down

with what’s goin’ round

it’s all sick

it don’t make no sense

so y’all better catch this train

before it leaves the station

and ride with the King of the Hip Hop Nation

that’s right

ain’t gonna sell you no crap

I’ll stick it straight in the ass

of the Department of Hate

Cause theys vile y’all

they done us wrong

and sold us out

for a song

it ain’t right

i gotta shout it out now

and ride through the night

Like Paul Revere

I know the revolution’s near

Damn straight

Get on this train

you wanna be riding with the King

Not Elvis y’all

I’m talking about the King of the Hip Hop Nation

Go on now bitches

Tell your friends and relations

Tell them you’re riding with the King of the Hip Hop Nation

Damn straight

Keep it real, y’all

end of the song, y’all

Snotty Little Bastards

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Those snotty little bastards

Gather around my door

They make their useless comments

As I pass through their dreary world

Those snotty little bastards

are rude

They have no brains

They clog up the trains

With their backpacks, tattoos, and stupid looking hair

These snotty little bastards are everywhere

They think they’re unique

They shop at boutiques

I wish they’d just fuck off

When I try to find out what’s going on

In this high definition world

Snotty little bastards say it’s no use

You may as well stay home

On Facebook they dwell

They are on every cell

It’s a living hell

What if they held an election and nobody voted?

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What if they held an election and nobody voted?

And nobody went to work?

What if the gangs stopped killing each other?

What if everyone lost their smirk?

What if Jesus returned and nobody cared?

What if everything were shared?

What if Madonna stopped touring

and meth were a thing of the past?

What then? I ask

Would the birds stop their singing?

Would the phones stop ringing?

Would people stop lying?

Would babies stop their crying?

Would I finally give up my act?

If the server went down

You couldn’t get to town

Blank screens throughout the internet

Emptiness filling the streets

What then? I ask

Would we be afraid?

Would we have a parade?

Would it piss us off?

Or would we just take off our clothes

and relax?

My Shit Hat

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I’m gonna wear my shit hat

To the party tonight

Nobody ever wants to talk to me

So my shit hat will fit right in

Nobody wants anything to do with my shit hat

I get strange stares as I walk around town

With my shit hat

She said “Why don’t you leave that shit hat at home?”

“Unless you want to spend your whole life alone.”

I gave a reply but she couldn’t hear what I said

With that turd on my head

When I finally arrived for my job interview

I wore my shit hat

There I sat and I know that I stank

With my shit hat

Why do I put such crap on my head?

It makes a bad impression

Even though it’s a recession

And everybody seems to be wearing

Their own shit hat

Still nobody wants to have anything to do with your shit hat

Leave it at home

Toss it out, burn it, or just leave it alone

Because after everything is said

And from all that I’ve read

You will never stand a chance

With that turd on your head

Daffofils and Ducks

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Daffodils and ducks

All the colors are pastel

And the sun is smiling sweetly

But I never get sunburn

With my shirt tucked in

And my pants freshly pressed

I am blessed

My pants are never unzipped

All my thoughts are of bunnies and bikes

I have no genitals

I stick to the sidewalk, avoiding the cracks

Don’t want to break my poor mama’s back

And nobody is black

Today I got to paste my favorite Bible verses

Here in my Jesus scrapbook

‘Cept Jesus ain’t a scrap

His life was pure

No pee-pee, no fear

He never wet his bed

I will not think of, I will not think of, I will not think of

Love

Thank you Jesus

My catcher in the rye

I smell so good because of you

Because of you my life is a bright and shining lie

How much happiness can one boy stand?

Suddenly I start to run

Scissors in my hand

I stumble and die

Why Jesus why?

Sweet Jesus. I smell so good because of you.