Sheer Terror lurks beneath my calm exterior this afternoon. I lost my job. I had anticipated that that might happen. But now that it has, I feel unprepared. This means I am no longer hanging by a thread, I am in free fall once again. Once again, I’ve got to hit the bricks. The prospects for a 58 year old man, with failing eyesight, is not good at all. The challenge is going to be keeping from sinking into a deep despair. You know the state I mean, where you sit and stare into space, unmotivated to do anything. I hate that state of mind, and will likely continue to blog until I can blog no more, just to keep myself engaged in the process of finding work once again.
I would love to be able to make my living writing, but that is a slow process. But I will definitely explore all of the various avenues that there may be on the internet. I would love to have my own talk show, where I could just sit and talk about whatever callers wanted to discuss. That would be fun! Eventually I’d like to try out comedy, but that is scary. Maybe comedy writing would be a good idea. But, of course, right now I need to just keep food on the table. So I would be willing to do just about anything. I have about $430 to my name. That is just sad. I landed my last job just as I was becoming desperate, maybe that could happen again.
I can recall the two and a half years I spent unemployed, from March 2009 to Aug. 2011. I got to the point where I was just numb from the constant stress of looking and looking and looking for work. A part of me, today, wanted to just go on and do all the things I would normally do, as if I hadn’t lost my job. In denial. So, folks! I can’t be sure of how much longer I will be able to continue to do this. I may be evicted from my apartment at some point, and end up on the street. I would have no computer, no nothing. At that point, I could potentially lose the will to live. I hope not, but I have no intention of living out my remaining time on this Earth, living in a doorway, and wandering around each day, dirty and completely without resources. I would rather be dead.
On that cheery note, let’s hope that things start to look up. Maybe I will find a job soon, although I think the chances are pretty slim.
Meanwhile i will blog on!!! As I was resting just now (my right leg hurts from all the walking I did today, leaving off resumes), I remembered a song by David Bowie which begins with “I’m Home! Lost my Job! I am incurably ill. You think this is easy? Realism?” I thought it fit. I think the other lines “I am a DJ I am what I play and I have believers believing me.” are good too. Well I have ‘followers’ at any rate. Enjoy the video! It brightened my dark mood.