Abandoned

I’m feeling lost and alone tonight

Abandoned

I’ve lost all my craziness

and have to be satisfied with the plainness

Of real life

I can’t do as I like and nobody likes what I have to say

Now that I’m not risque

and willing to take any risk

I’m nothing more than one more old asshole

adrift

abandoned

I wish I didn’t exist

so so sorry make believe

you are so so sorry make believe

it will make a difference in the weather

but don’t you see

the wind don’t care

you are so so sorry you say again

please don’t leave me out here in the rain

hanging from a limb

so so sorry make believe

never again never again

please stop your pointing

put that camera away

I cannot bear all this responsibility

so so sorry can’t you see?

I’m sorry!

now everything everywhere everybody has got to be ok

It’s Past Midnight Aug. 4, 2012

It’s past midnight Aug. 4, 2012 and I don’t care

I need to sleep I need to dream of something better

or perhaps a resolution an invisible conversation

to somehow make it all heal and make our lives a little better

I don’t know

sometimes it is hard to carry on

but weep no tears for me for I am the one to blame

for all this shit that has hit the fan

if I hadn’t been so stupid

if I had only stopped to think

even for a moment

but enough about all that because it’s past midnight

on Aug. 4 2012 and I am sitting here typing like a million times before

I still have things to say and I’ll say them

I haven’t gone away although I really wished I could

after the fact, after the fact hurts like nothing else on earth

I feel engulfed in a sea of remorse and sadness rules my heart

Each day is a slow haul through a thick wall of regret

But the light will shine again and I am a new man

Much like the old but different

My heart is bruised and shaken but I am glad

For it was deserved

Hard Lesson Learned

Hard lesson learned

and I don’t feel any better

Hard lesson learned

why oh why do I always see the light

after the fact

I hate myself sometimes

So blind to the truth

Hard lesson learned

It is hard to move on

and start with something new

When I am shackled to those hard lessons learned

I HATE SEX

I HATE SEX

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT

ANY ENJOYMENT I HAD HAS BEEN SPOILED

BY AN ANGRY MOB

CALLED ADDICTION

INSISTING I TAKE THINGS WAY TOO FAR AND THEN SOME

NEVER TAKE A BREAK

THE MOB WANTS MORE

THEY ALWAYS WANT MORE

THEY WANT ME TO MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF ONCE MORE

BECAUSE SEX HAS CRAWLED UP MY ASS AND DIED

I CHOKE ON IT NOW

I’M ALL TIED UP AND EVERYBODY IS STARING

AT MY PITIFUL SITUATION

I HATE SEX

IT’S NO GOOD

I HAD A TIGER BY THE TAIL

BUT IT COULDN’T LAST

IN SPITE OF THE SCARS

I HUNG FAST

NO PLEASURE IN THAT

JUST AN URGENT DESPERATION

TO CATCH A TRAIN THAT HAS ALREADY LEFT THE STATION

I HATE SEX

Reminded by the Moon

I grow tired

I walk a little slower my hand against my chest

I glance up

Reminded by the Moon

Too soon too soon

There is much to do before I die

Too soon

When I sit at home bored and listless

Feeling the love escaping from my bones

Alone.

I notice through the window an orb

Reminded by the Moon

I feel a tiny flash of light within my weary heart

There is something more than this

Something I don’t want to miss

The Moon silently

Tells me all about it

I’m a bright and shining star

I’m a bright and shining star

but my body’s crapping out

I have no doubt

I have no fear

I am this fantastic thing

Beyond compare

but my body’s crapping out

it doesn’t want to go out

crying

but the pain is so great

it can’t keep from sighing

While I point the way to paradise

my body looks at me as if to say

are you kidding me?

can’t you see I’m crapping out

i can’t walk anymore

i can’t see

I’m a bright and shining star

but my body is crapping out

Can you see me?

Can you see me?

here

under the covers

Do I have to get up again?

and go through it all

again??

Again??

Can you see me struggling?

As I ride the bus?

Can you see me motionless?

As I wait

Can you find me in the bustling crowd?

Does my face stand out?

Or I am lost out loud?

Are we even looking for each other?

How many people do we miss?

a tiny little man

i feel like a tiny little man

of very little consequence

leading a tiny little life

hardly noticeable

among so many other tiny lives

rushing about

without consequence

avoiding each other’s glances

lest they see how small we really are

and how much we hurt

i know i should try to grow a little

cheer up and look forward to my day

but i feel so itsy bitsy

my good intentions fade away

i’m not blue

i’m not blue

i’m not crying

i didn’t leave that message on your machine

i don’t feel like dyin’

i’m ok

i’m alright

i’m just fine

i’m not blue

i’m not crying

it made a lot of sense what you said to me

you had every right

of course you didn’t want to hurt my feelings

you’re good

i like the moon at this time of night

i feel pretty good

not sad at all

i like being alone

i’m not sad

i’m not crying

i’m not blue

not at all

no reason to worry

i would never think of dying