Ducks and Kittens (A Spud’s Last Remarks)

Ducks and Kittens. I have nothing to say. Just ducks and kittens, aren’t they cute? This is the best I can come up with. I have received a lobotomy that I can’t recall.

Who cares about goes on in the world when you can have ducks and kittens all day long!!

This is how I feel sometimes, like tonight. I no longer feel all fired up and ready to go, full of ideas and inspiration and wanting to share myself with the world. I don’t suppose this makes any sense but I would like to die without going through the massive inconvenience of actually dying, or, better put, I would like to put everything on hold for a bit. That actually comes a lot closer to the truth (so all my friends and relatives are permitted a sigh of relief). I feel all tapped out. This is often the plight of those of us who work hard all day long. I love my work, but I often feel drained after I get home, just a sack of aches and pains. It makes it easy for me to let my creativity slide. I have quit at other times in my life and it was never satisfying. Nevertheless that aimless emptiness has it’s appeal. It almost makes me want to watch 30Rock along with every other empty headed hard working American. I may even vote for Mitt Romney. Barack Obama makes me think and I just want to take a break. Romney just wants me to trust him. But, no, I really don’t want to do anything, screw voting, screw mindless entertainment. I am in such a pitiful state that I don’t even find Margaret Cho funny anymore. I’m a spud, and all my eyes are closed.

I don’t even want to be writing this right now. I should go to bed, I need to get up early. But something compelled me to type out this desperate plea for inspiration, affirmation, and a reason to get up tomorrow morning. I don’t have anything to say anymore. It is as if I have taken stupid pills. (Yes, I know, that was a pretty lame sentence, but it is the best I can do, my wit has left me. I should write speeches for Mitt Romney.) I am no longer in love. Yes. And that is the worst of it. I am sick of Stock Photo Woman. There!! I have said it. Some of you may say ‘Who the hell is stock photo woman?’ and I haven’t the energy to clue you in. It’s just this thing I did, and now I just don’t care about it anymore.) Maintaining my blogs feels like a chore. I just want to be a spud. That fits my pay grade.

Perhaps all this will pass, or maybe I will pack it all in. Finis. That’s all folks! Nothing more to say.

Or maybe I’m just tired.

If you see more posts in the future you will know that somehow I managed to pull myself out of this rut. But I am worried. I feel pains in my chest and I worry, I feel dizzy at times and I worry. I worry a lot and I worry about that. I might not be around all that much longer. No, not suicide, just an old man taking his last walk. Cardiac arrest. These are my morbid thoughts on this night. Is this spud about to be peeled? Or am I just being dramatic? All of the thrill I felt after having my eyesight restored has left me. I take it for granted. Am I an ungrateful dolt? You bet. I don’t deserve this happiness that I refuse to recognize as happiness. I am already sick of this pity party that I have written. But I am sure many of you out there in cyberland share these feelings from time to time, many of you bloggers often feel like packing it in, and never blogging again. So know that you aren’t alone. If I can crank this shit out so can you! So….sad to say, I will probably soldier on and continue my stupid blog with my stupid observations about my stupid life in this stupid world. Because the alternative is worse. So now I will shut off my motor functions and my brain and become spudlike until another working day raises me from my self-made grave.

Mitt Romney: Man WIth No Face

OMG

Mitt Romney is a cipher. He would make a good physical education instructor. He might be a good candidate for the local Chamber of Commerce, but President of the US? You have got to be joking! But this joke has lasted a long time, and he might even make it into the White House. Why?? How did this happen? Somehow he managed to take advantage of a bad case of Goldilocks syndrome among Republicans. It was clear from the start, and is still very apparent that nobody wants Romney to be President. And yet there he is. This is some kind of weird dislocation in the fabric of the space time continuum. It cannot happen according to the laws of physics and yet there he is, smiling foolishly. “How did I get here? Beats me! Just lucky I guess.” Don’t be fooled by this whole nobody’s home act. Oh, what the heck, go ahead and be fooled. I don’t have the energy to stop Romney. His negative entropy is wearing me down. I can’t resist his inevitability!!! “Gee what seems to be the problem?” Mitt says with raised eyebrows and perfect innocence. As Bugs Bunny would say “What a dope! What a maroon.” But this dope is our next President.

What does he stand for? “What?  Gee, I don’t know. What would you like to hear?” Romney asks. He is so nice, you just gotta…..NO NO Resist the antigravitional pull of Mitt Romneyness! He isn’t as harmless as he sounds, or looks. He has no soul. He has no face. He is the anticandidate, sucking all of the intelligence out of the room. Haven’t you noticed how dumb people get whenever Mitt is near. Rick Perry found out the hard way, so did Newt Gingrich. Rick Santorum is pretty dumb to begin with so it is hard to gauge Mitt’s effect. In fact, it is a struggle for me to come up with anything intelligent to write about him. He is one heck of a guy. He sure looks good on tv, well groomed, nice smile. I can’t seem to recall his position on the issues, but how important is that, heck I can never keep that stuff straight anyway. Come election day, I just pick the first name on the list, then I can get out of there right away! Seems I had a third thing to say but I can’t ……NOOOOO!!!! Resist the Mitt Romneyness! Resist!!!!

Whew! switching to a new paragraph seems to have helped. What do you think of Mitt Romney? Right!!! You have no thoughts! This is evil. This is terrifying! Mitt Romney will become our next President and no one will have the faintest idea how he got there! Nobody knows how he became a candidate, or how he became a front runner. It is a mystery. But I have a theory. I believe Mitt Romney may be the seemingly innocent, friendly, but soulless doppelganger of something so horrible I can’t begin to dare to describe it. It is the only thing that makes any sense. He clearly isn’t human and has uncanny powers, When he said that corporations are people he revealed how he is confused about what human beings are. Why didn’t the media catch on to this? Oh, yes. the Romney effect. I understand. He isn’t worried about the poor, he thinks it’s a soft drink.

I think I have….I think I have figured out….something, There is something I have figured out about some guy. I was just writing about him, guy with no face, no soul. Who the hell? I know it will come to me. “Wow, what a beautiful day this is. Say, did you lose your keys? You seem confused. Bet ya $20,000 dollars I can find them!!” Romney says, smiling foolishly.

Bruce Wayne on Mitt Romney

Bruce knows all about Bain

Hello. I am Bruce Wayne, and I wanted to take this time to tell you what I know about Mitt Romney. He isn’t the nice guy you see on television every night. He is actually an evil mastermind! It is now common knowledge that Mitt Romney was behind Bain. BAIN!! The arch criminal who almost defeated Batman! I would have confronted Romney about this connection myself if I hadn’t had an unforseen accident and been laid in the hospital for over a year. Mitt Romney almost managed to gain control of Gotham City, and now he has the unmitigated gall to run for President. I think I can speak for the caped crusader when I say that Mitt Romney belongs in the Big House instead of the White House.

What really gets to me is how smug Mitt Romney is about the whole Bain business. He freely admits it! He doesn’t think Bain did anything wrong! He seems to think that it is a rich man’s privilege to hire and train an assassin. He really believed he could defeat Batman, and thanks to Bain, he almost did. We have heard from the pundits and the comics, now we need to hear from the comic book, which is where Batman and I reside. As soon as we heard that Romney ‘owned’ Bain, we knew we had to speak out. I know Batman has a lot of fans in your world and you wouldn’t want Mitt Romney, who tried to have Batman killed, win the Republican nomination. So join with Batman and I to get the word out. A vote for Mitt is a vote for Bain! Thanks to you, and to Russell Miller for giving me the opportunity to post on his blog.

Meanwhile my good friends at the Daily Planet are working on an expose. They believe Newt Gingrich may…well, we had better let them publish that when the time comes. But have no fear, Newt can never defeat Superman!

Mitt Romney introduces Bain to South Carolina audience

It’s a New Year?

Tomorrow, when I get up it won’t feel any different. I will still be feeling aches and pains, and I will still fix the same breakfast, and listen to iTunes. However, meanwhile the world turns. Some maniac is torching cars down in Hollywood. I don’t think it was inspired by the Doors’ “Light My Fire”, because he or she was targeting cars, not buildings. I guess they just want to start the new year off with plenty of drama. There might be a bit of “the rich bastards deserve to have their BMW torched” kind of thing. Or the Devil may be whispering in somebody’s ear again. I included in my novel, an actual weird event in San Francisco that happened in 2007, where some Iraqi immigrant claimed the Devil instructed him to run over as many people as he could with his SUV. So he tried. He injured a lot of pedestrians before he crashed into a pole. Stressful times bring out the wackos. I am oddly optimistic, even though I just got through tweeting Happy??? New Year?? I am so fickle, up then I’m down? I don’t get it. What’s the deal? But I feel like I may get an opportunity to put my true talents to work, instead of just putting in time, down at the mill. here comes a rotten bill, too much monkey business for me to get involved in. (Thank you, Chuck Berry!) Hopefully I can do a bit of writing for hire, how about “Let’s Give Mitt Romney a Break?”, how’s that for a slogan, or “Oh, Come On! Mitt’s a Nice Guy!” or “Mitt Romney: Not So Bad” or “Mitt Romney: Could Do Worse” You get the picture. maybe “Mitt Romney: Lame but Likeable” That’s the best one. He is unbelievably lame. If he wins the nomination, Republicans will be asking themselves, how did this happen??? And for sure everyone will be asking that if he wins the election. It is a mystery how he got where he is now, it would take a quantum physicist to figure it out. “We were doing this experiment and out stepped Mitt Romney!, straight out of the quantum foam, the damnedest thing!”

And then there is the methane beneath the permafrost, in Siberia. There is enough there, that if it ignited, we would probably all suffocate. Nice!!! Let’s all die with a whimper. You see the problem is that the permafrost is melting, which is allowing the methane to accumulate, building up pressure. If we can cool the permafrost back down, well, a Russian scientist is doing just that, finding ways to restore the frigid temperatures. But can he do enough, quickly enough?? I don’t need any more doomsday scenarios. 2012, are you scared? The Maya calendar says an epoch is ending next year, a very long epoch, but that’s it, no mention actually of an apocalypse, just that one long count ends, and another begins. So we should just have a really really rockin’ new long count bitchin’ eve!!!! Won’t come around for another 25,000 years, Lady Gaga can’t live that long. OR CAN SHE

However, we are approaching a tipping point, I believe. Isn’t it obvious? People are rising up all over the fucking place (There! finally a place to say ‘fucking’, I’ve got a reputation to uphold). I feel the internet has everything to do with that. No longer can information be kept out, eventually it gets out, which means transparency is inevitable. Governments are going to have to adjust to this new reality, and I don’t think they have a game plan. The downside to that of course, is that the stuff you really, really don’t want to come out, like how to create a deadly virus for which we have no defense, could come out. In that instance, I want that information stuck in a capsule and shot into the outer reaches of the Solar System. I am in favor of greater freedom, and generally agree with Libertarianism, but Libertarianism tempered with common sense. I don’t really want a Wild West scenario for the entire world. I don’t want to have to strap on my six gun to go to the market. And I am not crazy about tents. I prefer a comfortable revolution. I think Vaclav Havel had the right idea with his Velvet Revolution, in which nobody got hurt. It is so easy to get all excited when you see people rising up and defying dictators, from the comfort of your couch. (I actually don’t have a couch, but this is a metaphorical couch, ok?) But if this sort of thing were happening here?, you know, where the police start opening fire, and the military steps in. Would you have the guts to face up to that, knowing you could very easily die? I wonder about that, and yet I see homeless people every day, that I think might be willing to put their bodies on the line. What do they have to lose?

So, as I’m sure you could guess, I would prefer to see Barack Obama get re-elected, although I have my beefs about him. I think his foreign policy stinks. And he is far too interested in kissing Republican ass. Fight those assholes!! They have no interest in compromise, they just want to nail your ass, so fight them, you big dummy! (as Fred Sanford would have said, remember Sanford and Son?)

Oil well, nuff said

now I’ll check Facebook and Twitter for the billioneth time and probably go to bed before midnight,

Happy New Year!

Here’s a great song I discovered as I listened to iTunes today, “Why Can’t I Touch It?” by the Buzzcocks