You know what I think? I think we should just get over it! Over what you say? Sex. I am so sick of it! Sex alla time ever day! I doe know. Sorry about the accent, but for some reason that just popped out of me. But sex. Why don’t we just get it out of our system. Then we can attend to the really important matters, like which combination of breakfast cereals do I want to eat this morning. So allow me to make a proposal.
Let’s all go bottomless. What do you think? I mean naked is a bit impractical, and topless is too in-your-face, you cannot avoid it. But bottomless is quite the deal. You can ignore it if you just remember not to look down. Seriously though, who is going to do that? We will be checking each other out. It’s only natural. Our curiosity would be satisfied for the most part. Men could still wonder about those breasts. And women have been short changed for too many years, now they would get the full package. Sounds fair to me. Unsanitary? Not really. The people that go on about that old canard are just afraid of sex. They think it is yucky. Ew! get that away from me! Bodily fluids are good for you. Animals understand this. Why can’t we?
I mean in this age of tattoos and body adornment, don’t you think it is a shame to cover our wonderful works of art? Show it off! Oh, nice vagina bracelet you have there! Oh thank you, and your cock ring is awesome! It’s an ice breaker!, a conversation starter. Given the overwhelming preponderance of porn on the internet today, nobody is going to be shocked by this. I mean, let’s be honest. When newscasters joke that they aren’t wearing pants, they really won’t be wearing pants! Won’t this make the delivery of news a lot more interesting?
I like my idea. And I think you do too. You may not admit it publicly, but inside you’re saying, “I’d vote for that!” So let’s do it!
Hold on! Hold on! I can hear some of you saying, you realize, of course, that all of the people we would never ever in a million years want to see bottomless, would go bottomless. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Who do you see there? One hint. You don’t see Jessica Alba. You see all the people you would rather not see naked. So how is this any different?
Excellent point! And if we follow through with this proposal I will be able to see your point even better! I recognize that there will have to be sacrifices. You can’t restrict the bottomlessness to certain people that happen to turn you on. It has to be available to everyone. But think about it! The thrill of seeing those few just might be worth the aggravation of all the rest. Besides, think of the boost to self-esteem. You’re walking along feeling a bit glum and somebody says, “that is an awesome penis you’ve got there!” It brightens up your whole day! I think I have made a good case for it, but naturally (get it? naturally!) I welcome your comments, Just put them down below. (I know how much you like to put things down below, if you get my drift) And remember! It’s all in good fun!
If you are offended by sexual matters, especially when it comes to a frank, or humorous account regarding the vagina, don’t read this post.
There! I have fulfilled my obligation to an imaginary sea of ultra conservative readers. While it is true that nobody seems to like the penis, even fewer people like the vagina. They like the idea of the vagina, but the real deal, the actual orifice? not so much. Many women are embarrassed by their vagina, and cannot be persuaded to talk about it. It’s a shame. When you take a look at our insults, our slang, it is clear that we have extremely distorted ideas about our sexuality. Why is ‘fuck’, which of course refers to sexual intercourse, a derogatory term? It actually refers to the power politics of sex. Men having intercourse is viewed as a conquest. Women are made to feel degraded. If you are ‘fucked’ it is bad thing. I don’t think this is a healthy attitude. We associate sex with filth in many cases. I can recall my first encounter with pornography. I came across some cheap men’s magazines that had been tossed out, lying in the garbage behind the junior high school I attended. The stench of mildew, and the garbage reinforced the idea that sex is filthy. This is a bizarre idea. Sex is obviously the source of life, and should be considered sacred. In many other cultures, the vagina is held in high esteem. In western culture, we are beginning to see a bit of a change. Slowly.
One curious development in recent decades has been the shaving trend. Today many young women prefer to shave their pubic hair, and in some cases have pierced jewelry for their vagina. This is known as body adornment. I don’t necessarily have an issue with this, but I prefer women to be natural, unshaven. Pubic hair is erotic and I find it attractive. Why shave it? It leaves the vagina exposed and vulnerable. I have also noticed that pornography gives an unrealistic idea of how female genitals should appear. The idea is for the vagina to appear as unobtrusive as possible. You are left with something bearing a closer resemblance to a plastic doll than a human being. It makes it much harder for women to accept their genitals as they are. Men don’t make things any easier. (notice the similarity between women’s feelings about their vagina, and men’s feelings about their penis?). I would suspect that most women are reluctant to engage in oral sex with their boyfriend or husband, and only do so after considerable persuasion. I think the same is undoubtedly true for men. They are reluctant to engage in oral sex with their girlfriend or wife. They are repulsed by it, while also being attracted to it. Many people consider such behavior to be perverted. I think it is natural for us to want to enjoy each other’s bodies. The idea is to do so in a responsible, unharmful manner.
It is very difficult to get past our cultural conditioning. Somehow sex occurs. Obviously. But we behave as if we would never do such a nasty thing. Conversely, we may brag as though we have sex all the time, when actually we are freaked out by it. We are a sex obsessed culture because we don’t have much healthy sex. We are sexual beings and need to be able to express ourselves sexually without shame. I am fascinated by the vagina. It is a mysterious realm. This is where the strange event occurs. How is it that sperm and ovum produce a human being? I know we can explain all the biological particulars, but not the essential mystery. The vagina reminds me that we are a bundle of chemicals with funky smells, squishy, squirmy, and giggly. That is the joy which lies within the vagina. I think it is interesting how the vagina, when divorced from it’s context, and viewed by itself, looks very much like a cave, a natural formation. If you change the colors and add some bushes, maybe some cave explorers, it totally fools your eye. I hesitate to post a picture of a vagina, even in disguised form. I prefer to be cautious, but it also helps to have a sense of humor. You don’t come across nearly as much humor regarding the vagina as you do the penis. But I have included here a video of Margaret Cho’s “My Puss”, which is hilarious. It should be regarded as more of a celebration of the vagina, even though they brag about their puss and put down other pusses. We don’t need to be politically correct every moment of our existence.
I wish I could have written about the vagina with more humor, but I lack the depth of experience which provides that humor. Not that I lack experience (Ahem!), but I don’t happen to have a vagina, so I lack that insider’s view. Enjoy the video, but I warn you, it is pretty hard core!
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