Reminded by the Moon

I grow tired

I walk a little slower my hand against my chest

I glance up

Reminded by the Moon

Too soon too soon

There is much to do before I die

Too soon

When I sit at home bored and listless

Feeling the love escaping from my bones

Alone.

I notice through the window an orb

Reminded by the Moon

I feel a tiny flash of light within my weary heart

There is something more than this

Something I don’t want to miss

The Moon silently

Tells me all about it

I’m a bright and shining star

I’m a bright and shining star

but my body’s crapping out

I have no doubt

I have no fear

I am this fantastic thing

Beyond compare

but my body’s crapping out

it doesn’t want to go out

crying

but the pain is so great

it can’t keep from sighing

While I point the way to paradise

my body looks at me as if to say

are you kidding me?

can’t you see I’m crapping out

i can’t walk anymore

i can’t see

I’m a bright and shining star

but my body is crapping out

His penis hanging out

There he is again

with his penis hanging out

He doesn’t seem happy

His penis looks sad

His libido left a long time ago, he said

And left no return address

But still it hangs out

If it had a voice I could probably hear it whisper

I’m still here, I’m still here

I’m not dead yet

A Nasty Business

It’s a nasty business growing old

I missed work today

Arrived feeling fine and dandy

Used the toilet and felt like I wanted to die

This is how it is for a man like me

Growing older without grace

without ease

I’m better now, time heals the disease

Got to tone things down

Stop racing around

I’m not sixteen, but close to sixty

and I don’t want to fear the toilet again

So so sad

So so sad

this summer morning

all that I would

seems faded

history closes in

why can’t I get it up again?

and challenge the world

to be more?

Instead I pretend

and write poems to the wind

so so sad it is

when I have lost that spark

no interest, no heart

a shell of a man

what remains are only parts

held together by a fierce will

and a determined heart

so sad though

that this has come to be

once I sang brightly

my destiny urged me forward

and whispered in my ear every day

today I feel lonely

so sad so so so sad today

my path seems cloudy, windy, and grey

such is my state

as my body slowly reaches it’s fate

leaving my soul in sadness

so so sad

It’s a Long Long Journey to Your Heart

The daffodils you planted

Still remain

Swaying in the gentle summer breeze

It’s a long, long journey to your heart

I remember how you smiled

And tried to make it all ok

It’s a long, long journey to your heart

I had a dream one time

I had made my way back home

All the windows were broken

The rooms filled with dust

It’s a long, long journey to your heart

We argued, we fought, we had so much to say

So far away, so very far away

If I could have you back

If I could hold you in my arms

I would be young again

I can almost remember your face

It’s a long, long journey to your heart

And time is drawing short

Soon all will be forgotten

The sun is fading

The crows are cawing

It’s a long, long journey to your heart

 

Tenderness

Amid all the jostling

hurly burly hurry and worry

I miss the tenderness

solidly standing always ready

to do my duty

I lose the tenderness

weary worn please don’t come near

Too tired for tenderness today

all the familiar pains return

without the tenderness

the sun shines brutal

as I soldier on

the tenderness is gone

I raise my hand weakly

will you help?

a smile, a wink, would be fine

won’t you help me find

that precious tenderness

A Distant Shore

I stand upon a distant shore

too far away to see my face clearly

I gaze lovingly upon myself

sitting on a bench looking frightened

legs pressed together and looking very old and frail

Don’t worry so much I say to myself

you are not this thing which tires too soon

when I want to go out and play

I am here where no wind blows

and nothing can ever hurt me

a distant shore

far away, where all day long is play

never changing

always welcoming

more real than anything

I can feel it behind the pain

the doubt and the despair

I am there

Joys of Growing Older

I hate growing older. I have cataracts in my right eye, which makes everything blurry unless I am very close. I am blind in my other eye. So, nobody wants to do surgery on the cataracts because if something went wrong, I would be totally blind. But I hate having blurry vision. It ruins my quality of life (of course, blindness would ruin it considerably more). I would be willing to take the risk. But, I also can’t afford to get it done, and if they were going to do it against their better judgement I am sure I couldn’t get it covered. What a dilemma!

I just trundle along from day to day, as my body and mind begin to give out on me. I make stupid mistakes at work, which could cost me my job. I don’t look forward to homelessness. Now would be a real swell time to win the lottery. These are some of the joys of growing older. But I refuse to let it get me down! (He says fearlessly, while he still has a job). It is hard to get motivated to finish my novel. I am still painstakingly transcribing my hand-written novel, so I can put it online. I keep putting it off. I’d rather just blog.

It is important to develop a support system as you get older. It is not a good idea to just live at home with a cat, nobody to check up on you. The cat is nice, but he can’t call an ambulance. I am still job hunting in spite of having a job, because I need something with benefits. But it does me good to have an outlet for my thoughts and feelings that others can access and comment on, if they so desire.  Hopefully, I will be able to do this thing for many, many, many, more years.